You can't have one without the other
And why would you want to?
I received this handwritten card for Galentine’s Day from my dear friend
.That quote sits on my desk and stares at me every day, and not in a lovingly, “Let me hold you in your hurts, I’ve got you bb.” But a “Bitch, get your shit together. You’re going to do this again today.” To which I say yes, ma'am, and I clickety-click away.
Entrepreneurs have a particular type of drive, stamina, and eccentricity that sets us apart from people who find solace in stability and certainty. There’s no judgment; one is not better than the other.
Being an entrepreneur isn’t something that I do. It’s who I am. It took me a long time to figure that out.
When I first purchased my ticket to this circus, I considered myself more of a maker. I was a screen printer, rabble-rousing through the good old days of the Bush presidency, making panties that said The Only Bush I Trust Is My Own. I obsessed about the latest drops from American Apparel, contemplating what color ink I could pull through that screen to make my cheeky slogans come to life. Ride Me, sputtering out from the back tire of a bicycle, paired with a few rainbow zig-zag stitches, made the cut. So did a fork and knife above the words Bon Appetit. If I had only stuck with that, I could have made a killing with Nasty Woman, made possible by another fuckworthy president whose name need not be said again…
“I love to see a young girl go out and grab the world by the lapels. Life’s a bitch. You’ve got to go out there and kick ass.” ~ Maya Angelou
At the time, however, I was trying to do what you’re “supposed to do.” I had just received my master’s degree and took a job at UC Berkeley, running 40-day wilderness courses at their field stations across the state of California. I managed a team of people, sorted out the logistics of multi-day backpacking trips, and developed curricula. I took a paycheck from someone else (gasp!) that included healthcare benefits and a 401K (adulting!). BORING. I hated it.
Leaving that job was quite scary. I was trading in the prestige of that institution and all of the security that came with that job for…???? I did not know. Like anything… What did I know about business? Nothing. I didn’t go to school for business. I don’t come from a family of entrepreneurs. I had no idea what I was doing, and there are plenty of days that I still feel like I’m clueless.
I don’t regret that decision and not because everything is working out how I hoped it would or the way I was told it was meant to. I have been rewarded in ways that are not captured by capitalism. I don’t have material possessions or zeros in my bank account, but I have tremendous meaning in my daily practice of this thing called life.
We tend to pull away from the things that we perceive as difficult or unknown or not guaranteed rather than leaning into them. More than 10 years after making that decision to leave my “grown-up job,” my days continue to be peppered with bouts of tears and fits of joy. It’s like love; you can’t have one without the other*. And who says no to love?
*Thank you for this reminder today, Derek. I needed to hear that.