Will 2024 ghost us? No one knows…
But at least we can learn from 2023
If only her June self knew what her December self found out.
Friends, look at us! We made it to 2024. Waking up this morning was a gift in and of itself, and if we’re not grateful for that, then we’re doing this life thing all wrong.
That’s not to say that this particular day isn’t challenging. Remember when we used to look forward to the possibilities of renewal that would present itself every new year? We’ve wised up, haven’t we? Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, shame on me. Now we approach the future the same way we date–all side-eyed with low expectations. Will 2024 ghost us? No one knows…
We try to start the year off on the right foot, though, don’t we? We get that gym or yoga membership. We swear off gluten. We commit to saving money. And then just like a relationship, you realize within a month that you aren’t going to be able to pull it off so you might as well indulge in that $12 loaf of bread you’ll eat as a meal because you did cancel Hinge #selflove, so it all evens out #girlmath.
What throws green flags all day long, however, is a practice of self-reflection. Mine includes copious amounts of astrology (don’t roll your eyes at me, Chani knows), journaling, meditation, and intention setting. It’s not something that dissipates as the days grow longer. It is more aligned with the natural world—the solstices, the equinoxes, full moons, and new moons. Nature always gives you a reason to sit with yourself.
There is something special about a winter solstice and a Gregorian calendar new year that one cannot overlook. It is a sacred time. Everyone is so exhausted from the holiday preparations and celebrations that by the time Christmas hits, no one has any energy to email, call, text, DM, or Zoom until after January 1. I am gifted with this beautiful week of silence to contemplate what I want more of, what I need to say goodbye to, what I wish had gone differently, and what I learned so that no matter who or what presents itself in the new year, I’m prepared to show up as my best self and handle it with the grace and ease that I deserve.
2023 taught me…
Things have to end for others to begin. This is all about space and capacity. We only have 24 hours in a day, and in that limited time frame, there is only so much we can put our energy toward. If we want to start something new, we have to let go of something old. It can be quite difficult, however, to parse out what remains, what is left behind, and what will begin anew. Occasionally, this pruning is forced upon us, and we have to do the work to heal the wounds, to overcome the feelings of failure. In looking back on 2023, I’m trying to focus on what I’ve learned from the things that didn’t turn out how I wanted them to. What I’m finding is that in retrospect, it all worked out for the best. The plans that I am laying out for 2024 would not be possible if my life were the same as it was in 2023. Certain things had to end, and as difficult as that was and will continue to be, I’m choosing to look at those closed doors as opportunities for new ones to open.
Holding onto hurt hurts more. Whether it’s the pain others have caused us or the pain we have inflicted upon ourselves, we are the only ones who decide whether or not we continue to experience the feeling of hurt. There is an act of being hurt that we oftentimes have no control over. Our feelings, however, are all ours. We can accept those apologies, as half-ass and unacceptable as they might have been. We must come to terms with the reality that some people don’t have the capacity for vulnerability, and they may never say what we want or deserve to hear from them. Grieving our losses and holding people accountable (including ourselves) is necessary, and so is moving on.
I am happiest when I am true to a higher self of service and social justice. I imagine I’m not the only person who spent many moments this past year wondering what the fuck I’m actually doing with my life. I do many things, not so much because I’m lost and searching for meaning. I’m enamored by all of the beautiful opportunities in life, and I want to experience all of them. I love trying new things, figuring out how to do them, and testing and pushing myself. I certainly could use more discipline, but I also don’t have regrets. Every little piece has been a necessary building block to get me to where I am today, which is where I need to be to get to where I want to be tomorrow.
As I evaluate everything that takes up my 24 hours, I am quite clear on what brings me joy: working on projects that create the greatest meaning for the people who have been forgotten, overlooked, relegated to the sidelines, underestimated, and unseen. Equity, a key component in social justice, requires us to recognize that we do not all start from the same place and do not all need the same things. This means certain people, experiences, and perspectives will not be centered in my work. I will not apologize for excluding them because if they thought longer and harder, they would realize there is a place for them in what I do. It also means that I will say and do things that not all people will agree with—like demanding a ceasefire in Gaza, advocating for the trans community, and celebrating women’s sexuality. I’ve come to realize that not everyone has to like everything I do. My work has value if only one person appreciates or benefits from it.
People deserve second chances. We’re growing increasingly intolerant of people. In a world of quick sound bites and 2,200-character captions, it is so easy to write someone off rather than take the time to truly understand where they’re coming from. While I do appreciate and admire new-found boundaries and high expectations, we also need to be better about accepting that people make mistakes. There is a difference between a repeat offender and someone who genuinely wishes they said or did that thing better. Good things and the change we want to see will come if we create more space for accepting the earnest apologies that are offered to us.
I’m not cut out for social media. Instagram is a time suck with a shitty algorithm to boot. I don’t do Facebook because who is even on that platform anymore? Fuck Twitter, Elon ruined it. And I’m not clever enough 24/7 to be on the Tocks so… Here we are on Substack!
One of the reasons why I started this newsletter is that I wanted to be able to connect with people like you in a more meaningful way. I love writing, which is fundamentally different than creating content. I was terrified to publish my first post six months ago. I didn’t know if people would like my writing or if I could keep up with weekly posts. I still hit send every week and do not know how you all will receive my words, but I am encouraged by those of you who tap that share button and/or have upgraded to a paid subscription. My goal for 2024 is to invest more time here, which will be made possible by spending less time on social media. I know I can’t get more than 24 hours out of a day, but I can certainly choose how I spend them.
So thank you for being here and happy new year friends! May it surprise and delight us in ways we don’t expect.
xxoo,
Jen
I’d love to hear from you! Normally only paid subscribers can comment on my posts, but I know that we can learn so much from each other. What experiences in 2023 did you learn from? What are you carrying forward in 2024? What are you leaving behind? Open this post in the Substack app to share. I can’t wait to read and respond to your comments!