Letting go

How to intentionally stop so that you can start again

Proof that I dislike summer so much I’ll ditch it and head to Kenya and become the most disgusting version of myself also this photo has big “what it feels like to start over” vibes.

Saturday marked a fresh start. We said good riddance to our seasonal affective disorder (caused by a nasty combination of sweat, men with bare chests, BBQs with strangers, and things that bite us) and hello to fall, aka the second-best season that gives winter a run for its money when it snows in November. The autumn equinox was more than a shift in seasons; it was an opportunity to reset, to embrace all of the beginnings that come with endings.

Too bad starting over is hard. If it were as easy we (we being women as I can’t speak for men; they continue to elude me) wouldn’t beat ourselves up about those bad habits, relationships that don’t honor us, and jobs that leave us unfilled. We have been conditioned always to give our best selves, regardless of the outcome. We work HARD in everything we do, and we’re committed to the sweetness of FUCK YES I DID THIS THING. We’re the problem solvers, the caregivers, the let-me-run-circles-around-you-and-still-make-you-look-gooders. How we cope with the constant pressure to nurture and put others first may manifest into those indiscretions that WE ARE SO GOOD AT: the one glass of wine that turns into a bottle, the secret smokes (see you around back), the fabrication of our feelings.

We’ve been told that starting over means that we have to admit failure. We have to come to terms with the fact that something we have poured our everything into isn’t working. It brings up feelings of shame, doubles down on those bags under our eyes, and leaves us questioning our decision-making. We falsely believe that it’s a sign of weakness. Really, though, it’s a testament to our strength. It’s just that it isn’t being applied to the things that bring us abundance.

What if we changed our perspective on letting go and embraced it like this change in seasons? Certain things, whether it’s the way we see the world or the way we show up in it, have to stop for something better to begin. It’s natural (like my copious use of the word fuck). Instead of fighting it, we can make the most of this reset. What if we used this opportunity to regain our agency?

Here’s the questions that I asked myself over the weekend while completing 108 sun salutations (flex and also you need to know that I didn’t come up with these questions on my own):

• What am I ready to let go of?

• How will letting go of this allow for abundance? 

• What habits, beliefs, or patterns have I outgrown and want to release?

• What intentions do I want to set for this season and what steps or actions can I take to move closer to my desired outcome?

• What practices or routines will help me stay balanced and grounded to work toward my goals during this season?

I scribbled my answers down on note cards as we took a break between every 12 sun salutations. Then I went home, meditated, and worked my way through the ritual that Chani suggested (because Chani KNOWS), which included sweeping out the bad energy and sprinkling salt water around the perimeter of my space. Is that a little bit extra? Perhaps. Did I need to sweep my house anyway? Yes. Win, win, thank you Chani for the clean house and clarity because both were a bit dingy.

Am I a radically different person? No. But I have sorted some things out that have been weighing on me? Yes. And I don’t feel overly torn about them anymore. I don’t feel heavy. I’m ready to get after all the greatness that I might have overlooked had I continued to hold on to all that weight.