Spoiler alert: I relish using my voice in ways that go against the conventional approaches women have been taught (read: centering other people’s feelings and diminishing ourselves). I’ve become quite comfortable with taking up this space, even if I too occasionally shake my head about what comes out of my mouth and onto paper.
Case in point: Two weeks ago I wrote about an unpleasant and jarring interaction with a customer. I spent weeks thinking about what I wanted to say to her. At first, the words didn’t come easily, which is why I waited so long. Well, that, and I know when I’m angry I shouldn’t be quick to speak. But after weeks of contemplation, the words flowed.
I understand that someone in my position, the founder of a business and someone who interacts with customers regularly, is meant to appease. To take it on the chin. It’s part of doing business. The thing is, I don’t want to do business the way you’re “supposed” to—extracting rather than reciprocating, growing at any and all costs, operating from a place of never having enough. Look where that’s gotten us.
It was important to me to write that piece because I wanted to humanize the people behind the customer support emails and the DMs. I wanted to help other small business owners not feel so alone by putting words to the challenges we often keep to ourselves.
I wrote the piece more for them than I did for her, and I also wrote it for me. I wrote it as a way to be able to unpack all of the emotions that I had about this particular interaction and understand why I was feeling the way that I was feeling. Why was I so appalled with her request and their admission? I came to understand it wasn’t what they were asking for, it was why, and how that was indicative of much larger issues that impact all of us.
I debated sending her the link to what I had written, and then I realized that I had nothing to be afraid of, besides her simply not liking me. She had already said she was never going to shop with us again so what did I have to lose?
So I sent it. And on Monday she sent us an apology. It was a full paragraph. I did not expect that, nor was that why I wrote it. But it certainly was refreshing and validating. It gave me hope that people do have the ability to self-reflect and be vulnerable in the face of criticism.
Last week I sent an email that resulted only in frustration, likely because I sent it to much older, wealthy white men who secretly fear and hope their daughters are like me (there’s a joke in there somewhere and I’m gonna find it). It was one of many emails I have sent over the past 16 months to ownership of the development that houses our retail shop, articulating yet another misstep (and I use that word graciously) that has negatively impacted not only my business but my brand.
The response I received was typical: He did not like my tone. The irony of his statement was not lost on me. In the grand scheme of things, what was more detrimental: my tone or their actions? (Now that I’ve read that somewhat rhetorical question out loud I do see how perhaps outspoken, demanding women are actually detrimental to the status quo, so fine, I see you). In a few sentences, I attempted to articulate that, in addition to restating how generous I was with my honest feedback, to which I received no response. That was to be expected. It will be interesting to see if our interaction colors the letter I’m expecting from their attorneys…
I’ve always been outspoken. I tend to present the truth in a way that makes some people feel uncomfortable and other people feel seen. I know which side I’m firmly rooted in—the underdogs, the marginalized, the ones who have rarely been centered or felt like they could show up as their full selves.
It’s an interesting position to put yourself in—to write and say things that are both respected and abominated. I’ve learned so much from every experience over the past 46 years. I’ve gotten much better at coming from a place that isn’t rooted in anger or revenge, as some might think, but instead from a place of feeling like I deserve to articulate my worth, while also desiring the deep and radical change that can occur when we are bold enough to demand more.
I don’t always get it right. There are things I wish that I would’ve said differently or not said it all. And yet seeking perfection in the written and spoken word is a fool's errand. It’s not possible. I’ve grown to accept the losses alongside the wins.
I know what I do seems difficult, intimidating, scary, and overwhelming. But it doesn’t have to be. If the idea of speaking more expansively and honestly is something you’d like to explore, I have something for you.
It's simple, it's fun, it's productive, and it's designed for other purpose-driven entrepreneurs, creatives, freelancers, and dreamers. I'm calling it Straight Talkin’, a delightful, weekly Zoom session where we'll:
Create a fun and focused environment to refine, strengthen, and find clarity in our work.
Harness the power of collective energy.
Revel in the joy of our weekly progress.
Share genuine encouragement and foster accountability.
How it works:
You'll meet with me 1:1 in advance of our first session so I can learn about your goals, struggles, successes, and what you need from our time together to feel like every minute was worth your time, energy, and resources.
Our small group will meet once a week on Wednesdays for four weeks at 4:30 pm PST, June 5, 12, 19, and 26 (recordings will be made available if you miss a session).
Plus an optional (and easy) way to self-organize for whatever other support you might like from each other, including in-person adventures.
Straight Talkin’ is for anybody who:
Is working on something impactful that feels big and you're not sure how to get to the finish line. You might not even know where to start.
Would benefit from gentle, compassionate accountability and additional structure.
Looking for new connections and ideas from creative and clever people with shared values.
The cost is $145, and I am confident (I don't use the word guarantee because that feels a little bit sales-y but also I feel strongly about it), you will leave with clarity, motivation, and excitement about your 2024 goals, all with a new community of people to support you in your journey.
If this sounds fun, message me! I do have one scholarship available, as well, if the cost is an issue. And if the dates or the time or the structure don’t quite work for you, feel free to reach out. Despite his opinion, I am a reasonable person ;)
Until next week…
xxoo,
Jen